I don't know anymore.

Last night I had a giant surge of energy. I wrote standup comedy until about 6 o'clock in the morning. I've never had such a flow of creativity in my life.

I bartend a lot now. Its pretty fun. I live in a house in Palm Beach Country Estates now as well. We got a pool, about an acre and a half yard, a porch, a roomy driveway, a dog, a grill. All sorts of shit. But its weird, you know? 'cuz like, even with all this shit ('cuz thats just what it all is. . . shit) I feel so empty. I'm just this emotionless, workaholic. I just don't give a fuck anymore. I feel so unfulfilled.

Honestly, though, writing all that standup comedy the other night felt really good. I haven't felt so productive for quite some time.

I had a girlfriend for like a week not that long ago. I wanted to try it out again. Relationships, man. I fucking hate them. What a fucking chore, I swear. I just get so annoyed so easily. I just put in no effort. I still see (well, maybe saw now) Staci every now and then. The broad plays so many fucking games. Thats why I refuse to have sex or anything like that with her. Even if she feels the same way. We get in these lame ass fucking fights over nothing--mostly about ignoring each others phone calls. And the only way we probably in all honestly ignore each others calls is 'cuz we're out with another person of the opposite sex. And we know that. So then an argument starts.

I don't give a fuck about anyone but my best friends. Who the else fucking matters? I'm an emotional vampire. I need to gain some sensibilities. I don't give a fuck about money, glamour, plastic shit (even though I love fucking prissy whores with painted faces), or anything like that. Lick my dick.

I constantly trick myself too. I keep forcing myself to try and like a girl. But fuck that, I should know better. I really don't know what to do with myself, though. I should've went to college instead of sticking a fork in it just to stay at least near the same realm of some blonde broad that could give two shits about me. Even though its probably mostly my fault, I feel as though she is more to be blamed merely because she was too stupid to notice what exactly I was sidestepping just to be some sort of role in her life. Fuck her.

I'm an idiot, though. I should've used my high SAT scores a long time ago to get the fuck out of this gross state. Now I'm stuck bartending for sloppy, sleezy drunks and 40 year old single whores with nothing to do but spend their money on tanqueray and tonics. Tonic, ew. Fucking gross, man.

I'm going to be a comedian, though. For now. Just to satisfy my hunger for a while. I've been practicing in front of my roommate, and he says its fucking great. I just gotta work on some deliveries, and I should be out and about the comedic road. This other Jake I know just got some movie jobs--supposedly with Jason Biggs or some shit? I don't know. But he was talking about going on this comedy tour, and if I get my shit together, I could go with him.

Its weird seeing myself age like this too. I'm 21. Chicks still like me. I'm still the person I always was, its just that I think I might be more vocal. I have a lot more attitude. I've become a go-getter I'd like to believe.

Anyway. So supposedly this Sunday I'll be in Miami. My roommate says he is going to take me to some insane party. I'm kinda excited, gotta say. My roommate Ben knows a lot of random people. He's a New Yorker. Good talker. I think he's actually out somewhere drunk right now. I like that. Haha.

Thats it for now. Just so you know, my favorite shot right now is Triple Sec, Tangerine schnapps, svedka vodka, and a splash of sour chilled. We're calling it Jammin'. Haha. Try it. cya.